Interlude

My Beloved Sister,

Hope you are being filled with hope. I am currently doing some research for the next three stimulating messages, which will cover the three top causes of conflict in marriage.

In the mean time, read a little about Preparing for Marriage "in the positive way". You can do the relationship quiz and love test for the fun of it.

My Very Best Wishes...

The Internship Period

My Beloved Sister,

I will always say it, that women are great people. And so are you. I have been in touch and observed many women in the past few weeks. When I think of all they do – as sisters, friends, girlfriends, mothers and wives, I just appreciate them.

One of the best ways of getting experience before starting a job is through internship, as we see in most professional courses. Being married is a job on its own. Before you go in there, it is good you have an idea of what goes on in there. Remember that you are going to be a queen over an empire – your home. Whatever comes out of it, including your children, would be affected greatly by you whom most household responsibilities fall on.

Visualize your home. How do you want it to be? How do you want your family to be? What kind of rules and laws will guide your home? Think about these.

Then take a step further and visit homes. Observe, interact and learn. Take out the best things from each of them. How best is it to talk to your king and treat him? How best is it to correct children at different ages? Would you need to be a full-time housewife or a part-time career woman? What do wives do? What do mothers do?

Your period of being single is not a curse. It is a blessing. You have an advantage many women who rushed into marriage did not have.

If you are married, keep learning how to treat your king and raise a family. There are older women to learn from[1].

Recommended Reading
1. How To Choose A Life Partner: 165 Questions To Ask by Pastor Bimbo Odukoya

2. Preparing for Marriage God's Way: A Step-By-Step Guide for Marriage Readiness and After-The-Wedding Conflicts by Mack, Wayne A.

Take out time to love yourself
Words by Shona Vixen


My Very Best Wishes…


[1] The Bible: Titus 2:3-6

Making Friends

My Beloved Sister,
I don’t know about you, but I have learnt a lot from sharing with you the messages on Reciprocity. The comments from readers have really taught me alot. Now I am ready to give Trust, Respect and Love, and expect same in return because they are reciprocal. What about you?

Today’s message is about Making Male Friends. One of the mistakes single ladies make is once a man speaks to them, they size the man up with the unspoken questions: Is he a possible suitor? Does he meet my expectations? Will we have a relationship that leads to marriage? Having such questions at the forefront of ones mind could be an indirect prejudice.

Why? You may ask. This is because if to those questions the answer is yes, subconsciously, you behave differently towards the man. You may either pretend so he could date you, or you end up taking the discussion towards relationship, marriage, etc. Alternatively, if the answer is No, you quickly put him aside and await Mr. Right.

My view is that you should be open when people come to you. Be friends with them. You never know who your king is. This gives you the opportunity to be your true self. Your king is looking for the you in you.

Let me share a personal experience. I love writing. I had a friend who read all my write ups and kept encouraging me to keep writing. But there I was in a relationship with someone whom I had to hide my love for writing because he was not interested. I had to fit into what he wanted me to be so we could just get married. And when I had gist about my writing, guess who I ran to? Best friend. Because he will listen, he will rejoice with me and he will encourage me. I am thankful to God that today Best friend is My King.

Remember your friends appreciate you for who you are. As those gentlemen come to you, don’t push them away. Make them your friends with no expectation in mind. You never know how everything will turn out.

If you are in a relationship, make your partner your friend. Though he will never replace the role of a female friend in your life, he can be that first person you desire to share your heart and world with.

My Very Best Wishes…

Reciprocity (III)

My Beloved Sister,

How are you doing? Hope you have found the previous messages useful.
Today we'd finish the series on Reciprocity with "Love is Reciprocal". My assumption is that you have understood that Trust and Respect will help with the foundation of Love.

Let me mention 3 types of love relevant for this context:
Eros, Philia and Agape. Visit HERE for details on the 3 types of love.


The Love I'd like us to focus on is Agape Love. This is the love that exists in relationships that last. It is the love that can rekindle Eros and Philia. It is the love that forgives, sacrifices, does not compete or envy a partner, and does not expect in return. It is the love that makes you pray for rather than curse a person. It is the love that makes you overlook (not be unaware of) a person's imperfections. It is the love that says, "I believe in you and I forgive you for not calling on my birthday". Forgive here means you do not mention it again.

When you show someone love, repeatedly and consistently, the person's heart gradually softens until the person cannot help but requite your love. It does not matter how long. The day will surely come.

If you are not sure how to show love, ask God. He is ready to teach you.

Recommended Reading:
1. The Lady, Her Lover, and Her Lord by T. D. Jakes
2. The Bible: 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
3. L.O.V.E.

My Very Best Wishes...

The Good Wife

My Beloved Sister, before I finalize on Reciprocity, I'd like to show you some guidelines for wives that I overheard some men discussing.

http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/images/goodwifeguide.gif

http://www.snopes.com/language/document/goodwife.asp

1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

3. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

4. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.

5. During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

6. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

7. Be happy to see him.

8. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

9. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

10. Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

11. Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

12. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

13. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

14. Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

15. A good wife always knows her place.

Funny enough, only about 10% of men did not agree to all the guidelines mentioned above. From the other 90% I got to hear that "Over the years, what men expect from women have not changed. But what women expect from men have changed." This left me sober.

Are the men saying the truth? Is this good wife achievable?

Reciprocity (II)

My Beloved Sister,
Let's move on to something else that is reciprocal, that is something else which if you give, you will receive. Today's message is "Respect is Reciprocal".

I am sure one of your desires is that your king will treat you with respect. You want him to place you on a pedestal. Let's leave money, family, education and job aside as reasons why he should or should not respect you. Let's focus on respecting him to gain respect.

You do not need to kneel down or lick his feet to prove you respect him. It shows in little things like how you greet him, how you talk to him when no one is around, how you talk to him in public, the way you listen to him and your response to his ideas. This list is not exhaustive.

There is one lady that really impressed me one day. It was in a party. While we young wives were serving our husbands food in tray (and husbands were carrying food on their laps), Madam set table for her husband. You need to hear her speak to her husband and see the way she reverenced him. The respect she had for him could not be denied. To be continued someday...

Respect also comes in the way you carry yourself. Not too low as to get involved in community gossips and village fights, and not too high that you cannot relate with anyone or just a few in a class you have created for yourselves. If you place yourself low, people will tend to look down on you. If you carry yourself too high, people will 'fear' you.

You can gain respect in the way you dress. It will be hard for a tout to approach a well-dressed lady and try to make insulting passes at her. Unless he is mad, he knows his limits.

My Beloved Sister, it is my deep prayer that your king treats you with respect. When he comes, do give him the respect due him. Then you will see the way will place you on that pedestal.

PS: Having an attitude of respect to people also helps. You may not be too sure who King is among the people you come across.

Recommended Reading
1. Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs

Reciprocity (I)

My Beloved Sister,

I hope you’ve got to know more about yourself with the last post. Today begins the reciprocity series. We will be looking at things that are reciprocal. If you want to have them, you will have to give them.

Today’s message is Trust is Reciprocal.

There is a lot of mistrust in the world today. Imagine that the love story of most young girls begin with either rape or heartbreak. How do you expect such a lady to ever trust anyone?

To have a beautiful and long-lasting relationship, trust is an important element. You want your king to say, “I trust her completely. I can bet my life for her.” But you don’t get such trust overnight. You need to build it.

My few cents on how you can build trust:
1. Avoid lying, especially to someone as important as your king. It might sound like a difficult thing to do but with the help of God, you can achieve this.

2. Do not give him reason to doubt you. Women do feel special when they keep getting phone calls and text messages from other guys. When that special man asks who’s calling, the reply is “he’s just a friend’. Such things can make the man feel insecure and not trust you. For someone who will likely spend the rest of your life with you, he deserves to know your friends. Sometimes, it could truly be a friend, but trying to make everything seem so mysterious actually causes mistrust. Let things be clear and transparent.

3. Be open. Share your thoughts and feelings with him. Sometimes, all it takes is for you to share something deep that an emotional bond is built. When he thinks of someone to share something with, he will remember your openness.

4. Avoid gossiping and leaking secrets. Your king will sense if you are the type he can trust by the words of your mouth. Are you talking about other people, saying things you cannot say to their face? Have you just leaked a secret to another friend? He could easily know what you will do with his information by what you do with other people’s information.

5. Give him the opportunity to speak. We women can easily pour our hearts and thoughts out, uncontrollably, and on anyone we feel is okay for that purpose. While you talk, do you give him the opportunity to speak? Or he is just a place where you recount the events of your day? When he does have the opportunity to speak, to someone who is willing to listen, then he can share a part of himself. This begins the process of developing trust.

If you’ve got to the point where your king trusts you, do not do anything to break that trust. That level of trust, when broken, is hard to regain.

And if somewhere in your heart you are saying, “I have trusted before yet my trust was taken for granted…” please know that you are moving on to someone better. Someone who will not take your trust for granted.

My Very Best Wishes…

Recommended Reading
1. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex by John Gray

Mary and Martha Teach (III)

My Beloved Sister,

Let’s finish today with the series on what we can learn from Mary and Martha so we move to other things. For now, what we will learn from Mary and Martha is “Knowing Love Languages is Important”.

Mary and Martha both loved Jesus Christ, this is from my point of view. Martha cooked her best for Him. Mary made a big sacrifice for Him. Both said “I Love You” in different ways.

Let me share with you my personal experience with love languages. I could have missed my husband because I did not understand the concept of love languages. He would open doors for me, want to help me carry heavy load, and tell me to always ask him for help. That was not tripping me. I did not understand he was saying something. Instead I told myself that I will know if he loves me if he buys me a gift on a day that is not special (birthday, xmas, etc). Until I read the book – The Five Love Languages. We did the tests that followed. Then I learnt that his love language is primarily “Acts of Service” and my love language is primarily “Gifts”.

There are five love languages according to Gary Chapman: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.

http://marriage.about.com/cs/communicationkeys/a/lovelanguage.htm

The most important thing I took out of that book is that in relationships people speak their love languages and also expect their love languages to be spoken to them. When they do not feel loved, it’s simply when their love language is not being spoken to them.

To make relationships more successful, you need to express the other person’s love language. That makes the person feel loved. When you know your love language as well, you are able to communicate to your partner what to do to make you feel loved.

I’m sure you know what my recommended reading for this message is.
You can know your love language by doing the test here
http://www.afo.net/hftw-lovetest.asp

My very best wishes as you know more about yourself…

Recommended Reading
1. The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman

Mary and Martha Teach (II)

My Beloved Sister,

There's something more to learn from Mary and Martha. This time we'll focus on Martha. And Today's message is "Cooking and Serving is a Ministry".

I don't know why I chose this topic but we'll flow with it.

Do you remember the adage "The Way to a Man's Heart is through his stomach"? Some men agree that once they find a lady attractive, being able to cook is an added advantage. Some other men believe cooking is a way to stay in a man's heart. I know that food is a basic necessity of life. Cooking and Serving is a Ministry.

Why do I think these two are important? If you call your man a king, then he should be treated like a king. He will be expecting (and it's his right) a meal from you (Deleted "once in a while he will expect a meal from you"). But it is not the act in itself that is the ministry. It is the attitude. Not with a slave/housegirl mentality. But with an attitude of love.

When you take out time to cook and serve someone, you indirectly speak love, trust, loyalty, commitment, appreciation and value. Such things cannot be overlooked thrice. With time, the receiver reciprocates what you have spoken.

As you prepare for your king, this is the best time to learn how to prepare nice dishes. Even if you have never done it before, you can start now. Ask God to teach you the right attitude needed to prepare meals and serve them. And ask God to teach you the best ways to make your king feel special if you do not have enough time to prepare and serve the meals.

My Very Best Wishes...

Recommended Reading
1. The Diva Principle by Michelle McKinney Hammond

A good cookery book is valuable.

You are not your past

My beloved Sister, how are your preparations going? I hope well. Let’s digress a bit to something we need to know before continuing with what we can learn from Mary and Martha. Today’s message is “You are not your past”.

Some of our actions or decisions are based on things that have happened in our past. Some times, this past holds us to ransom. As you prepare for your king, I would like you to free yourself of your past.

Let’s consider that in the past you had a beautiful relationship with someone you feel is the best man in the world. Probably today he is not here. If you continue holding on to the past, believing that there is no one better than this guy in your past, then you won’t give room for better people to come into your life.

Again, if your past is a series of heartbreaks, you may feel that the next guy coming into your life is going to give a repeat performance. You won’t be able to give your best in the relationship. You may lose him in the end.

Whatever has taken place in your past, consider it as yesterday. It may be a huge mistake you wish you never made. Let it go. If there is anyone who hurt you so much, forgive and let go completely. There are better things ahead of you.

It’s okay to take some time out to reflect, cry when you need to, laugh when you need to, and say goodbye to the past (whether good or bad). It’s time to move into the beautiful future ahead. Your king is that man you’ve wanted all your life. Don’t let your past ruin the wonderful relationship you could have with him.

Recommended Reading
1. Woman Thou Art Loosed by Bishop T.D. Jakes

My Very Best Wishes…

Mary and Martha Teach (I)

My Beloved Sister, I hope you have gathered more zeal in preparing for your king. I am praying for you. In the next few messages, we will be looking at what we can learn from Mary and Martha in the Bible.

Let’s start with Mary first. In preparing for your king, you need to focus on Getting the Right Value System.

Why is the right value system important? Because every choice and decision you make is based on your values. When you need to make choices, you will hold on to the thing you value most and sacrifice every other thing.

Let’s take for instance, it is raining heavily. There are several things you could be doing by that time. But you decide to walk under the rain to see the man you “love”. A friend calls you and asks if you will make it for mid-week service. You reply that the rain is falling heavily. But you have made your decision - to be where you value most.

The choice of a life partner will be based on your value system. Some women base their decision on wealth, some on looks, some on sex, some on background, some on religion, etc. The list is endless.

One thing we can learn from Mary is she valued Jesus (God) above everything else, so she thought nothing of using expensive perfume to honor him. When you truly value God, all other relevant values fall in place, and you find yourself making wise decisions.

Ask yourself today: What are your top five priorities in life? What drives your decision making? Those things you value, are they temporal, vain, or substantial?

Your king is someone who has the right value system. He wants a queen with a similar value system. Prepare for him.

Recommended Reading
1. The Bible: - Matthew 26:6-13

2. A Question of Values : Six Ways We Make the Personal Choices That Shape Our Lives by Hunter Lewis

My Very Best Wishes…

Lessons from Esther (III)

My Beloved Sister, there is a lot we can learn from Esther. I hope you read more about her and get some tips which I may not mention.

Today’s lesson from Esther is “Character Matters”.

One great thing about Esther is that she obtained favour in the sight of all that looked upon her. It is established that Esther was beautiful. Don’t you think that this was reason for people to be envious of her? But there must have been something about her that made people like her. It must have been her character.

Character would help to attract (or repel) people, including your king. There is nothing like a perfect character, but there could be areas of our character that need improvement. One way to identify those things is to ask your close friends and family members. Don’t feel bad if they give you a long list of areas where you can change. These are people that have accepted you for who you are and love you just the way you are.

I’ll give you a personal example. My youngest sister told me I always criticize and look out for flaws in what people do. Though she did not say it constructively (which is what people do not like), she had a point. I did not throw away that part of me (now I am being paid for that– quality checking). But I knew that in dealing with people, I had to be more appreciative of the good things they do and constrain the desire to find fault until I am able to say it constructively.

With a good character, you will find favour and people will love you. With a good character, people see beyond your physical beauty or flaws. Such fades away but a good character lasts. A good character is very attractive.

As you prepare for your King, take some time out to ask God to reveal to you those areas in you character that need change. He is ready to show you and help you change. Even when you marry, do not stop asking God to reveal to you these areas for improvement. Be prepared to receive instruction.

Recommended Reading
1. Character Is Destiny: The Value of Personal Ethics in Everyday Life by Russell Gough

2. Choose the Happiness Habit by Pam Golden

My Very Best Wishes...

Lessons from Esther (II)

My Beloved Sister,
Not only are you going to keep your King’s heart with your beauty, you will keep his heart with things more valuable than physical beauty.

Today’s message is on Developing Your Spirit. One thing that was different about Esther was she knew what to do and what to say. This was evident before and after she became queen. Such wisdom does not come from intelligence, experience or advice. It comes from God [James 3:15-17].

As a woman, you will need to contribute spiritually in the home. Just as you are not the physical head of the home, you are not the spiritual head of the home. However you are a helper. Whether for physical or spiritual matters, you will need the inner witness of your spirit to help you – to say the right things and do the right things.

Developing your spirit is a continuous process. It involves building a relationship with God. Have communication and communion with God. When you trust God and rely on Him, you will know that before you make any decision, you need to consult Him. Your King will marvel at your words and actions.

Make out time to develop yourself spiritually. Develop your prayer life, study the word of God, listen to music and messages that build you up, and participate in activities that build up your spiritual life. While growing up, when my friends and I get involved in some pranks and come out safe (and successful) we would say, “If not for mummy’s prayers, they would have caught us!” Your king, your children and all around you do not need to see you praying but can deduce what you do from your spiritual life.

Developing your spirit gives you a beauty of great price [1 Peter 3:4].

Recommended Reading
1. Life Management for Busy Women: Living Out God's Plan with Passion and Purpose by Elizabeth George
2. The Power of a Praying® Woman by Stormie Omartian

Study Book
1. Women in the Bible: Examples to Live by by Sylvia Charles

Lessons from Esther (I)

My Beloved Sister,

It is true that someone who loves you will love you for who you are, but there are certain things about yourself that you should not take for granted. I thought taking care of the body was not as important as having a good and loving heart. I don’t want you to think that way. The lessons from Esther are to show how important it is to take care of the body, mind and spirit as you prepare for your king. One book that changed my orientation was Hadassah: One Night With the King by Tommy Tenney.

Today’s message is on Taking Care Of Your Physical Body.

Whether you are the most spiritual sister who can move mountains with the utterance of a word, or whether you are the most loving female on earth, the first thing anyone will see is your physical body. Most attractions start with that. Where that is not the case, as a man gets to know you better, there are things about your physical that will keep the attraction going on.

Taking care of your physical body includes the following: -
1. Taking care of the way you look – hair, nails, dressing and make-up
It is not a sin to look good. However, it is good to do things with moderation. I was on a flight one day and someone asked me which church I attend. I said “The Carpenter’s Church, PH”. He replied, “That’s the church where the associate pastor dresses very well. She is a role model for how women should dress.” You can look very attractive and ravishing with decent clothes. Such makes you mysterious and leaves a lot to the imagination.

Take some time to evaluate your physical appearance. If there is any area where you need to improve, this is one splendid time to do so.

And it does not stop when you get married. Keep taking care of your looks then. Be attractive for your king.

2. Taking care of the way you smell – cream, soap, deodorants, hair removers and perfumes
Your scent is important for attraction. People will unknowingly enjoy being around you if you smell nice. The good thing is even if you have body odour, there are soaps, deodorants, body creams and perfumes that can overshadow body odour. And it is not a bad idea to have a small bottle of perfume somewhere in your make-up purse to freshen up after sweating.

Esther underwent six months of beauty treatment with oil of myrrh and another six months with perfumes and cosmetics [Esther 2:12]. It is not too early to start your beauty treatment.

3. Taking care of your body’s functionality – diet and exercising
You can contribute a great deal to maintaining a healthy body with your diet and exercises.

Are all your meals from packet to mouth? You might want to consider spoiling yourself a little with homemade 3 course meals. Your diet preferences will go with you into your king’s house. If you are not sure what is good for you, you can pick up a food and nutrition book. They really help.

Exercises can be a simple as taking long walks (especially in these days of from door step to vehicle) or as involving as going to the gym. These can really be helpful in building a strong and healthy body. By the way, going to the gym is a good place to meet people.

4. Taking care of what expresses your sensuality – underwear and lingerie
You didn’t think I will go here, did you? Your underwear and lingerie are as important as your external clothes. You need to make good choices of underwear that fit your clothes. You need to stock you underwear bag with various but relevant underwear. And you need lingerie that brings out your sensuality. You will need it on the wedding night and also while married.

Recommended Reading
1. Hadassah: One Night With the King by Tommy Tenney
2. Secrets of an Irresistible Woman: Smart Rules for Capturing His Heart by Michelle McKinney Hammond

My Very Best Wishes...

Something about this King

My Beloved Sister, before we go on, let’s pause and talk about this King you are preparing for.

Every woman has (or had) this dream guy, a perfect guy that would come to her rescue someday. Please do not feel concerned that you want that man of your dreams. Maybe one or more heartbreaks have eroded you of any further thoughts about this dream guy. Maybe the man in your life is the opposite of all you’ve ever dreamed of. Maybe you came close to this dream guy and he slipped away. Or maybe, he is just the one in your life right now. He can exist under the right conditions (a discussion for much later).

Your King is not a perfect man. He is human like you, with weaknesses, flaws and shortcomings. He is not like anyone else so please do not compare him with anyone. He is unique and great since he is created by God. Please review your checklist of your ideal man and be sure you are not expecting perfection from him.

You will need to learn to look beyond physical and material things to see your king from the view of God. Only then can your king be perfect. Then you will be able to accept him and love him for who he is.

One example I would like to share with you: - There is this lady who comes from a strong Christian home but had a proposal from a young man who came from a Muslim family. Everyone advised her not to respond positively to that proposal. But she saw that man through the eyes of God. She saw a man passionate about God irrespective of his background. She saw a man who had integrity and was responsible. Today she is happily married to him, who is a role model for fathers and husbands.

Now you are clear that your king is not perfect and not exactly your fantasy (might be better, might be worse from your human perception), let’s move on to Lessons from Esther in preparation for your king.

Recommended Reading
1. Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul by John and Stasi Eldredge
2. What Every Woman wants in a Man by Diana Hagee

In preparation for the forthcoming topic:
The Bible: Esther 1-10

My Very Best Wishes…

What Marriage Does Not Do For You (III)

My Beloved Sister,

There are so many things we could talk about under the topic "What marriage does not do for you". Just to spice things up a little, I will begin another series then come back to this topic.

But not without telling you that Marriage does not eliminate temptations, especially sexual temptations.

My Beloved sister, if you thought that once you get married, all your sexual temptations would be eliminated, then it’s time to change your thinking. The person you were before you got married is the person you remain while married. You are only merging yourself with someone else. You are still made of the same weaknesses and the same strengths.

If as a single lady every TDH (Tall Dark and Handsome) made your heart skip a beat, chances are while married, TDH will still make your heart skip a beat. If while single you found it difficult remaining faithful to the person you were dating, those things that distracted you will still distract you in marriage. If you were bisexual, waking up married in a man’s arms will not prevent the thoughts of women from creeping up. And if all you did was focus on married men, marriage is not going to stop that. The only things marriage can do is to constrain you, only for a while or leave you struggling with temptation all through the marriage.

Sexual purity is a treasure in marriage. Think of a wedding night where the previous night you slept with him (in this case, he is no longer a king). Compare it to a wedding night where you’ve waited years for his touch. The excitement and ecstasy from the latter is indescribable. When you were warned not to “do anything with any boy”, it was not because someone wanted to deprive you of pleasure. It was actually to preserve you for bliss. Don’t feel condemned if your hymen has been broken. You can still attain sexual purity from a spiritual point of view. You can do it.

I want you to enjoy your marriage to your king and be able to overcome any sexual temptations that could come your way. You don’t want a phone call from an ex-boyfriend to spoil dinner with your king. So before you go in, it is best to solve any sexual temptations from the root.

Where does sin start from? From the mind. Before it is actually committed, it must have been conceived. To solve the problem, the mind has to be renewed. The only thing that has power to renew your mind is the Word of God. This renewal of the mind is not done overnight. It is a continuous process. It is not about how strong-willed you are. You need help. Find someone who you can be accountable to. Do not be ashamed to discuss it with someone who can help, like a counselor or a pastor. The time to start praying for sexual purity is now and it does not end today.

If you are already married, it is not too late to ask God for forgiveness and ask Him to teach you how to remain faithful to your husband (emotional, mental and physical faithfulness).

Recommended Reading
1. The Bible
2. Inviting God to your wedding and Keeping God in your marriage by Martha Williamson. Section on “Dousing old flames and severing soul ties”.
3. Woman Thou Art Loosed by Bishop T.D. Jakes.

My Very Best Wishes...

What Marriage Does Not Do For You (II)

My Beloved sister, today we will continue looking at things that marriage does not do for you. Today's message is on Marriage Does Not Cure Loneliness.

One great benefit of marriage is companionship. God, who authored marriage, said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him” [Gen 2:18 NLT]. Adam was very excited about this decision of God (I’m sure the creation of Eve really made sense to him). The companionship that comes out of marriage is so beautiful because there is no limit to the things you can do with your spouse.

But my beloved sister, marriage does not guarantee that you will not feel lonely sometimes. It will be an unrealistic expectation that your husband chases away your loneliness. There are times he will not be physically with you. There are times when he would like to be on his own. What will you do during those times? Sit down feeling lonely until he is back with you?

There is a loneliness you will feel which no one or nothing can cure. You can be in a crowd and still feel lonely. You can give in to an addiction, but when you come out of its euphoria, you will still feel lonely. You can get yourself occupied with everything but you will still feel lonely. Why? Because there is a void in each and everyone of us which only God can fill. Until you fill that void with God, the loneliness will keep surfacing whether you are single or married. The best time to fill this void is now.

As you prepare for your king, you need to have a life. He will not be excited knowing you were locked up in your room all day wallowing in loneliness. He will be excited to know you have friends and family, or you visit people, or you are developing yourself spiritually, mentally or physically. Your king will know that the same things you do as a single person is what you will do as a married person.

And please give your man time to develop himself spiritually, emotionally, mentally, etc. He will need this development to head the family.

Recommended Reading
1. Woman Thou Art Loosed by Bishop T.D. Jakes
2. Lonely People: Biblical Lessons on Understanding and Overcoming Loneliness by Warren W. Wiersbe

My Very Best Wishes...

What Marriage Does Not Do For You (I)

My Beloved Sister,

In the weeks that follow, we will be looking at a couple of things marriage won’t do for you… so you don’t get the wrong impression and expectations.

Today’s message is on Marriage Does Not Give You Purpose.

A lot of young women believe that once they get married, they have fulfilled their purpose on earth. In my opinion, that is myopic. Every person has a purpose and it is important you know yours before venturing into marriage. Don’t get me wrong, people have found their purpose while married. But it is better you know before going into marriage.

Why?

Your purpose should guide your choice of a life partner. Your life partner is someone who will help you fulfill your purpose on earth. Let’s take for instance, you are called to be a minister in a church. You would not want a life partner who is not a Christian or someone who would never support this dream. One example that comes to mind is from a movie (Brown Sugar) about this lady who was crazy about rap music yet the man she was dating did not care about her passion. She felt unfulfilled. That is what could happen to you if that one you truly care about is not concerned about what really matters to you.

If you already know your purpose, let this be a guide as you select that special man you will spend the rest of your life with.

If you do not know your purpose, I recommend some things: -
1. Ask your Heavenly Father. He is ready to show you and teach you all things.
2. Read good books that will guide you to finding your purpose
3. Listen to motivational messages on Purpose

Recommended reading
1. Cure for the Common Life: Living in Your Sweet Spot by Max Lucado.
2. The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For? By Rick Warren.
3. How to Discover Your Purpose in 10 Days: God's Path to a Full and Satisfied Life by J. Victor Eagan and Catherine B. Eagan.

My Very Best Wishes...

Note: One of your purposes is to help your husband achieve his purpose. Please add this to your list...

Intro

My Beloved Sister,

I recall a statement you made when I announced that I had accepted a marriage proposal. You said "I have never seen anyone so filled with joy and looking fulfilled!" I pondered on these words. No, it was not the marriage proposal that gave me joy. It was that joy inexplicable; the peace that passes all understanding that comes from God alone. Then the proposal followed. I write to you today that you may have that joy too.

I am writing to you as you prepare for that great man God set aside for you. I want to share with you some treasures I gained during the time I was away that prepared me for marriage to my husband (My King). You need these treasures.

You may say, "I am single and there is no man 3600km radius from me". I want you to know he is just a step of faith away. This piece I am writing to you will help you locate him. You might say, "I have been heartbroken yet again and the last thing I want in my life is a man." As long as God has not called you to singleness, He does not want you to spend the rest of your life alone. He wants you to spend it in joy, happiness, with a man He has specially groomed for you. This is one time you need to look back, reflect on the heart-break(s), thank God for what lessons you have learnt, and look forward to a lasting, enjoyable relationship. He wants you prepared for better things to come. You might say, "I am old, past the age of marriage, why should I be thinking about marriage? It could be better to cohabit with a man, maybe have a kid for him if possible. Why should marriage be an option?" There is no fixed age for marriage. Better older and prepared than young and totally unprepared. You might say, "I've been married before and now divorced. Marriage is the last thing on my mind." Marriage is honourable in all. You may say, "I am already in a beautiful relationship. Why do I need this?" My dear, there is no end to working at a relationship. One little tip can make a great difference in your relationship.

Beloved, as the Holy Spirit gives me inspiration and as I draw from the lessons I have learnt, I assure you that these secrets you will learn will be invaluable gems for the rest of your life.

Let me share a piece of my heart with you...