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Thursday, August 28, 2008

Mary and Martha Teach (III)

My Beloved Sister,

Let’s finish today with the series on what we can learn from Mary and Martha so we move to other things. For now, what we will learn from Mary and Martha is “Knowing Love Languages is Important”.

Mary and Martha both loved Jesus Christ, this is from my point of view. Martha cooked her best for Him. Mary made a big sacrifice for Him. Both said “I Love You” in different ways.

Let me share with you my personal experience with love languages. I could have missed my husband because I did not understand the concept of love languages. He would open doors for me, want to help me carry heavy load, and tell me to always ask him for help. That was not tripping me. I did not understand he was saying something. Instead I told myself that I will know if he loves me if he buys me a gift on a day that is not special (birthday, xmas, etc). Until I read the book – The Five Love Languages. We did the tests that followed. Then I learnt that his love language is primarily “Acts of Service” and my love language is primarily “Gifts”.

There are five love languages according to Gary Chapman: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.
http://marriage.about.com/cs/communicationkeys/a/lovelanguage.htm

The most important thing I took out of that book is that in relationships people speak their love languages and also expect their love languages to be spoken to them. When they do not feel loved, it’s simply when their love language is not being spoken to them.

To make relationships more successful, you need to express the other person’s love language. That makes the person feel loved. When you know your love language as well, you are able to communicate to your partner what to do to make you feel loved.

I’m sure you know what my recommended reading for this message is.
You can know your love language by doing the test here
http://www.afo.net/hftw-lovetest.asp

My very best wishes as you know more about yourself…

Recommended Reading
1. The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman

19 comments:

Femi B said...

wow, i wonder what my love language is..i'll be back to take the test.
Thanks for stopping by

princesa said...

Off to take the test but i sure love my gifts o!

Ms. emmotions said...

am hooked to this page already !!

Rita said...

@ ALL: Please share the results of your love language test. i'd really like to know. Mine was:
Receiving Gifts: 37%
Quality Time: 30%
Physical Touch: 20%
Words of Affirmation: 10%
Acts of Service: 3%

So you can understand why I was not tripped by the opening doors and carry load my hubby did, and why I was not sure he loved me when I was not receiving gifts.

Afronuts said...

Wow! Thanks for sharing this Rita! I was at the site and I took the test. It was so eye opening and enlightening.

It just answered a big question that has been bothering me!

Thanks so much again.

Anonymous said...

Interesting write up here...but do u also think that some could have multiple love languages?

@ what u said on ma blog:

Yeah I know u'd have expected that..that's y I did a role reversal on things back there...or do u I think I was overly avant garde with the reversal?

Rita said...

@ Afronuts: You're welcome. Good you found it useful.

@ Chari: Yeah, people could have multiple love languages, as much as 3.

On the role reversal thing, feedback from guys will be more representative. My comments are more personal.

But let's say you give the story to an editor. Since the story is fiction, editor might want the man to be perfect, at least in the beginning, for the sake of your readers who would have high expectations until the human side comes out. Crying openly would be their last expectation from a man.

Your story has good suspense and is intriguing...

Joy Akut said...

i'm off to take the test.
its funny how sometimes we look in the wrong direction for signs of love when the little things that tell are right in front of us.

Straight from the heart said...

So true, lovely languages differ and we are often fustrated when our language is not being spoken. Well said, I pray that we all learn other's language so that we can express it in the way the understand. thanks for such an inspiring write up.

LISA VAZQUEZ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LISA VAZQUEZ said...

Hello there!!

I found your blog at The Activist!!

I am happy thatI have a new blog that I can visit! (smiles)

I hope that you will feel welcome to stop by my blog anytime!

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa

Rita said...

@Fantasy Queen: I agree with you. And it could lead to feeling disappointed for no reason.

@Debbie: Do you know I found this love language concept relevant at work? There are some people who get self-motivated when you encourage them and speak nice words to them (words of affirmation); there are some that prefer you to work with them (quality time /acts of service). Love does make a difference in this world.

@Blackwomenblowthetrumpet: Thanks for stopping by. Of course, will keep visiting your blog. I like the way you're encouraging black women...

Nigerian Drama Queen said...

I did the love language test once! I think my favorites are words of affirmation and acts of service.

Shubby Doo said...

wow...this was unexpected...what an interesting post

Rita said...

@ NDQ: Wow! You're the first lady I'm hearing who has 'Acts of Service' as a top love language.

@ShubbyDoo: Thanks for the comment. Was the title misleading?

Waffarian said...

Interesting. My love language was "words of affirmation"...
Thanks for this. I think I just understood someone.

Rita said...

@ Waffarian: You're welcome...

Anonymous said...

I just did the test. I'm more of a "Quality time" person -33%.Then the "Acts of Service" and "Gift" exactly same. Got the least in "Words of Affirmation" and "Physical Touch"...lol and normally, i never used to beleive all these emotional test stuff but I think this one is very true. Actually showed funmi and she bursted out laughing, said its very true....lol. Well, it does help explain some of my friends I never really understood before too.

Rita said...

@Amaka: Just learnt more about you. Good to know this one works...