Making Friends

My Beloved Sister,
I don’t know about you, but I have learnt a lot from sharing with you the messages on Reciprocity. The comments from readers have really taught me alot. Now I am ready to give Trust, Respect and Love, and expect same in return because they are reciprocal. What about you?

Today’s message is about Making Male Friends. One of the mistakes single ladies make is once a man speaks to them, they size the man up with the unspoken questions: Is he a possible suitor? Does he meet my expectations? Will we have a relationship that leads to marriage? Having such questions at the forefront of ones mind could be an indirect prejudice.

Why? You may ask. This is because if to those questions the answer is yes, subconsciously, you behave differently towards the man. You may either pretend so he could date you, or you end up taking the discussion towards relationship, marriage, etc. Alternatively, if the answer is No, you quickly put him aside and await Mr. Right.

My view is that you should be open when people come to you. Be friends with them. You never know who your king is. This gives you the opportunity to be your true self. Your king is looking for the you in you.

Let me share a personal experience. I love writing. I had a friend who read all my write ups and kept encouraging me to keep writing. But there I was in a relationship with someone whom I had to hide my love for writing because he was not interested. I had to fit into what he wanted me to be so we could just get married. And when I had gist about my writing, guess who I ran to? Best friend. Because he will listen, he will rejoice with me and he will encourage me. I am thankful to God that today Best friend is My King.

Remember your friends appreciate you for who you are. As those gentlemen come to you, don’t push them away. Make them your friends with no expectation in mind. You never know how everything will turn out.

If you are in a relationship, make your partner your friend. Though he will never replace the role of a female friend in your life, he can be that first person you desire to share your heart and world with.

My Very Best Wishes…

Reciprocity (III)

My Beloved Sister,

How are you doing? Hope you have found the previous messages useful.
Today we'd finish the series on Reciprocity with "Love is Reciprocal". My assumption is that you have understood that Trust and Respect will help with the foundation of Love.

Let me mention 3 types of love relevant for this context:
Eros, Philia and Agape. Visit HERE for details on the 3 types of love.


The Love I'd like us to focus on is Agape Love. This is the love that exists in relationships that last. It is the love that can rekindle Eros and Philia. It is the love that forgives, sacrifices, does not compete or envy a partner, and does not expect in return. It is the love that makes you pray for rather than curse a person. It is the love that makes you overlook (not be unaware of) a person's imperfections. It is the love that says, "I believe in you and I forgive you for not calling on my birthday". Forgive here means you do not mention it again.

When you show someone love, repeatedly and consistently, the person's heart gradually softens until the person cannot help but requite your love. It does not matter how long. The day will surely come.

If you are not sure how to show love, ask God. He is ready to teach you.

Recommended Reading:
1. The Lady, Her Lover, and Her Lord by T. D. Jakes
2. The Bible: 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
3. L.O.V.E.

My Very Best Wishes...

The Good Wife

My Beloved Sister, before I finalize on Reciprocity, I'd like to show you some guidelines for wives that I overheard some men discussing.

http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/images/goodwifeguide.gif

http://www.snopes.com/language/document/goodwife.asp

1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

3. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

4. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.

5. During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

6. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

7. Be happy to see him.

8. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

9. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

10. Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

11. Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

12. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

13. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

14. Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

15. A good wife always knows her place.

Funny enough, only about 10% of men did not agree to all the guidelines mentioned above. From the other 90% I got to hear that "Over the years, what men expect from women have not changed. But what women expect from men have changed." This left me sober.

Are the men saying the truth? Is this good wife achievable?

Reciprocity (II)

My Beloved Sister,
Let's move on to something else that is reciprocal, that is something else which if you give, you will receive. Today's message is "Respect is Reciprocal".

I am sure one of your desires is that your king will treat you with respect. You want him to place you on a pedestal. Let's leave money, family, education and job aside as reasons why he should or should not respect you. Let's focus on respecting him to gain respect.

You do not need to kneel down or lick his feet to prove you respect him. It shows in little things like how you greet him, how you talk to him when no one is around, how you talk to him in public, the way you listen to him and your response to his ideas. This list is not exhaustive.

There is one lady that really impressed me one day. It was in a party. While we young wives were serving our husbands food in tray (and husbands were carrying food on their laps), Madam set table for her husband. You need to hear her speak to her husband and see the way she reverenced him. The respect she had for him could not be denied. To be continued someday...

Respect also comes in the way you carry yourself. Not too low as to get involved in community gossips and village fights, and not too high that you cannot relate with anyone or just a few in a class you have created for yourselves. If you place yourself low, people will tend to look down on you. If you carry yourself too high, people will 'fear' you.

You can gain respect in the way you dress. It will be hard for a tout to approach a well-dressed lady and try to make insulting passes at her. Unless he is mad, he knows his limits.

My Beloved Sister, it is my deep prayer that your king treats you with respect. When he comes, do give him the respect due him. Then you will see the way will place you on that pedestal.

PS: Having an attitude of respect to people also helps. You may not be too sure who King is among the people you come across.

Recommended Reading
1. Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs