Reciprocity (I)

My Beloved Sister,

I hope you’ve got to know more about yourself with the last post. Today begins the reciprocity series. We will be looking at things that are reciprocal. If you want to have them, you will have to give them.

Today’s message is Trust is Reciprocal.

There is a lot of mistrust in the world today. Imagine that the love story of most young girls begin with either rape or heartbreak. How do you expect such a lady to ever trust anyone?

To have a beautiful and long-lasting relationship, trust is an important element. You want your king to say, “I trust her completely. I can bet my life for her.” But you don’t get such trust overnight. You need to build it.

My few cents on how you can build trust:
1. Avoid lying, especially to someone as important as your king. It might sound like a difficult thing to do but with the help of God, you can achieve this.

2. Do not give him reason to doubt you. Women do feel special when they keep getting phone calls and text messages from other guys. When that special man asks who’s calling, the reply is “he’s just a friend’. Such things can make the man feel insecure and not trust you. For someone who will likely spend the rest of your life with you, he deserves to know your friends. Sometimes, it could truly be a friend, but trying to make everything seem so mysterious actually causes mistrust. Let things be clear and transparent.

3. Be open. Share your thoughts and feelings with him. Sometimes, all it takes is for you to share something deep that an emotional bond is built. When he thinks of someone to share something with, he will remember your openness.

4. Avoid gossiping and leaking secrets. Your king will sense if you are the type he can trust by the words of your mouth. Are you talking about other people, saying things you cannot say to their face? Have you just leaked a secret to another friend? He could easily know what you will do with his information by what you do with other people’s information.

5. Give him the opportunity to speak. We women can easily pour our hearts and thoughts out, uncontrollably, and on anyone we feel is okay for that purpose. While you talk, do you give him the opportunity to speak? Or he is just a place where you recount the events of your day? When he does have the opportunity to speak, to someone who is willing to listen, then he can share a part of himself. This begins the process of developing trust.

If you’ve got to the point where your king trusts you, do not do anything to break that trust. That level of trust, when broken, is hard to regain.

And if somewhere in your heart you are saying, “I have trusted before yet my trust was taken for granted…” please know that you are moving on to someone better. Someone who will not take your trust for granted.

My Very Best Wishes…

Recommended Reading
1. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex by John Gray

Mary and Martha Teach (III)

My Beloved Sister,

Let’s finish today with the series on what we can learn from Mary and Martha so we move to other things. For now, what we will learn from Mary and Martha is “Knowing Love Languages is Important”.

Mary and Martha both loved Jesus Christ, this is from my point of view. Martha cooked her best for Him. Mary made a big sacrifice for Him. Both said “I Love You” in different ways.

Let me share with you my personal experience with love languages. I could have missed my husband because I did not understand the concept of love languages. He would open doors for me, want to help me carry heavy load, and tell me to always ask him for help. That was not tripping me. I did not understand he was saying something. Instead I told myself that I will know if he loves me if he buys me a gift on a day that is not special (birthday, xmas, etc). Until I read the book – The Five Love Languages. We did the tests that followed. Then I learnt that his love language is primarily “Acts of Service” and my love language is primarily “Gifts”.

There are five love languages according to Gary Chapman: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.

http://marriage.about.com/cs/communicationkeys/a/lovelanguage.htm

The most important thing I took out of that book is that in relationships people speak their love languages and also expect their love languages to be spoken to them. When they do not feel loved, it’s simply when their love language is not being spoken to them.

To make relationships more successful, you need to express the other person’s love language. That makes the person feel loved. When you know your love language as well, you are able to communicate to your partner what to do to make you feel loved.

I’m sure you know what my recommended reading for this message is.
You can know your love language by doing the test here
http://www.afo.net/hftw-lovetest.asp

My very best wishes as you know more about yourself…

Recommended Reading
1. The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman

Mary and Martha Teach (II)

My Beloved Sister,

There's something more to learn from Mary and Martha. This time we'll focus on Martha. And Today's message is "Cooking and Serving is a Ministry".

I don't know why I chose this topic but we'll flow with it.

Do you remember the adage "The Way to a Man's Heart is through his stomach"? Some men agree that once they find a lady attractive, being able to cook is an added advantage. Some other men believe cooking is a way to stay in a man's heart. I know that food is a basic necessity of life. Cooking and Serving is a Ministry.

Why do I think these two are important? If you call your man a king, then he should be treated like a king. He will be expecting (and it's his right) a meal from you (Deleted "once in a while he will expect a meal from you"). But it is not the act in itself that is the ministry. It is the attitude. Not with a slave/housegirl mentality. But with an attitude of love.

When you take out time to cook and serve someone, you indirectly speak love, trust, loyalty, commitment, appreciation and value. Such things cannot be overlooked thrice. With time, the receiver reciprocates what you have spoken.

As you prepare for your king, this is the best time to learn how to prepare nice dishes. Even if you have never done it before, you can start now. Ask God to teach you the right attitude needed to prepare meals and serve them. And ask God to teach you the best ways to make your king feel special if you do not have enough time to prepare and serve the meals.

My Very Best Wishes...

Recommended Reading
1. The Diva Principle by Michelle McKinney Hammond

A good cookery book is valuable.

You are not your past

My beloved Sister, how are your preparations going? I hope well. Let’s digress a bit to something we need to know before continuing with what we can learn from Mary and Martha. Today’s message is “You are not your past”.

Some of our actions or decisions are based on things that have happened in our past. Some times, this past holds us to ransom. As you prepare for your king, I would like you to free yourself of your past.

Let’s consider that in the past you had a beautiful relationship with someone you feel is the best man in the world. Probably today he is not here. If you continue holding on to the past, believing that there is no one better than this guy in your past, then you won’t give room for better people to come into your life.

Again, if your past is a series of heartbreaks, you may feel that the next guy coming into your life is going to give a repeat performance. You won’t be able to give your best in the relationship. You may lose him in the end.

Whatever has taken place in your past, consider it as yesterday. It may be a huge mistake you wish you never made. Let it go. If there is anyone who hurt you so much, forgive and let go completely. There are better things ahead of you.

It’s okay to take some time out to reflect, cry when you need to, laugh when you need to, and say goodbye to the past (whether good or bad). It’s time to move into the beautiful future ahead. Your king is that man you’ve wanted all your life. Don’t let your past ruin the wonderful relationship you could have with him.

Recommended Reading
1. Woman Thou Art Loosed by Bishop T.D. Jakes

My Very Best Wishes…

Mary and Martha Teach (I)

My Beloved Sister, I hope you have gathered more zeal in preparing for your king. I am praying for you. In the next few messages, we will be looking at what we can learn from Mary and Martha in the Bible.

Let’s start with Mary first. In preparing for your king, you need to focus on Getting the Right Value System.

Why is the right value system important? Because every choice and decision you make is based on your values. When you need to make choices, you will hold on to the thing you value most and sacrifice every other thing.

Let’s take for instance, it is raining heavily. There are several things you could be doing by that time. But you decide to walk under the rain to see the man you “love”. A friend calls you and asks if you will make it for mid-week service. You reply that the rain is falling heavily. But you have made your decision - to be where you value most.

The choice of a life partner will be based on your value system. Some women base their decision on wealth, some on looks, some on sex, some on background, some on religion, etc. The list is endless.

One thing we can learn from Mary is she valued Jesus (God) above everything else, so she thought nothing of using expensive perfume to honor him. When you truly value God, all other relevant values fall in place, and you find yourself making wise decisions.

Ask yourself today: What are your top five priorities in life? What drives your decision making? Those things you value, are they temporal, vain, or substantial?

Your king is someone who has the right value system. He wants a queen with a similar value system. Prepare for him.

Recommended Reading
1. The Bible: - Matthew 26:6-13

2. A Question of Values : Six Ways We Make the Personal Choices That Shape Our Lives by Hunter Lewis

My Very Best Wishes…

Lessons from Esther (III)

My Beloved Sister, there is a lot we can learn from Esther. I hope you read more about her and get some tips which I may not mention.

Today’s lesson from Esther is “Character Matters”.

One great thing about Esther is that she obtained favour in the sight of all that looked upon her. It is established that Esther was beautiful. Don’t you think that this was reason for people to be envious of her? But there must have been something about her that made people like her. It must have been her character.

Character would help to attract (or repel) people, including your king. There is nothing like a perfect character, but there could be areas of our character that need improvement. One way to identify those things is to ask your close friends and family members. Don’t feel bad if they give you a long list of areas where you can change. These are people that have accepted you for who you are and love you just the way you are.

I’ll give you a personal example. My youngest sister told me I always criticize and look out for flaws in what people do. Though she did not say it constructively (which is what people do not like), she had a point. I did not throw away that part of me (now I am being paid for that– quality checking). But I knew that in dealing with people, I had to be more appreciative of the good things they do and constrain the desire to find fault until I am able to say it constructively.

With a good character, you will find favour and people will love you. With a good character, people see beyond your physical beauty or flaws. Such fades away but a good character lasts. A good character is very attractive.

As you prepare for your King, take some time out to ask God to reveal to you those areas in you character that need change. He is ready to show you and help you change. Even when you marry, do not stop asking God to reveal to you these areas for improvement. Be prepared to receive instruction.

Recommended Reading
1. Character Is Destiny: The Value of Personal Ethics in Everyday Life by Russell Gough

2. Choose the Happiness Habit by Pam Golden

My Very Best Wishes...

Lessons from Esther (II)

My Beloved Sister,
Not only are you going to keep your King’s heart with your beauty, you will keep his heart with things more valuable than physical beauty.

Today’s message is on Developing Your Spirit. One thing that was different about Esther was she knew what to do and what to say. This was evident before and after she became queen. Such wisdom does not come from intelligence, experience or advice. It comes from God [James 3:15-17].

As a woman, you will need to contribute spiritually in the home. Just as you are not the physical head of the home, you are not the spiritual head of the home. However you are a helper. Whether for physical or spiritual matters, you will need the inner witness of your spirit to help you – to say the right things and do the right things.

Developing your spirit is a continuous process. It involves building a relationship with God. Have communication and communion with God. When you trust God and rely on Him, you will know that before you make any decision, you need to consult Him. Your King will marvel at your words and actions.

Make out time to develop yourself spiritually. Develop your prayer life, study the word of God, listen to music and messages that build you up, and participate in activities that build up your spiritual life. While growing up, when my friends and I get involved in some pranks and come out safe (and successful) we would say, “If not for mummy’s prayers, they would have caught us!” Your king, your children and all around you do not need to see you praying but can deduce what you do from your spiritual life.

Developing your spirit gives you a beauty of great price [1 Peter 3:4].

Recommended Reading
1. Life Management for Busy Women: Living Out God's Plan with Passion and Purpose by Elizabeth George
2. The Power of a Praying® Woman by Stormie Omartian

Study Book
1. Women in the Bible: Examples to Live by by Sylvia Charles

Lessons from Esther (I)

My Beloved Sister,

It is true that someone who loves you will love you for who you are, but there are certain things about yourself that you should not take for granted. I thought taking care of the body was not as important as having a good and loving heart. I don’t want you to think that way. The lessons from Esther are to show how important it is to take care of the body, mind and spirit as you prepare for your king. One book that changed my orientation was Hadassah: One Night With the King by Tommy Tenney.

Today’s message is on Taking Care Of Your Physical Body.

Whether you are the most spiritual sister who can move mountains with the utterance of a word, or whether you are the most loving female on earth, the first thing anyone will see is your physical body. Most attractions start with that. Where that is not the case, as a man gets to know you better, there are things about your physical that will keep the attraction going on.

Taking care of your physical body includes the following: -
1. Taking care of the way you look – hair, nails, dressing and make-up
It is not a sin to look good. However, it is good to do things with moderation. I was on a flight one day and someone asked me which church I attend. I said “The Carpenter’s Church, PH”. He replied, “That’s the church where the associate pastor dresses very well. She is a role model for how women should dress.” You can look very attractive and ravishing with decent clothes. Such makes you mysterious and leaves a lot to the imagination.

Take some time to evaluate your physical appearance. If there is any area where you need to improve, this is one splendid time to do so.

And it does not stop when you get married. Keep taking care of your looks then. Be attractive for your king.

2. Taking care of the way you smell – cream, soap, deodorants, hair removers and perfumes
Your scent is important for attraction. People will unknowingly enjoy being around you if you smell nice. The good thing is even if you have body odour, there are soaps, deodorants, body creams and perfumes that can overshadow body odour. And it is not a bad idea to have a small bottle of perfume somewhere in your make-up purse to freshen up after sweating.

Esther underwent six months of beauty treatment with oil of myrrh and another six months with perfumes and cosmetics [Esther 2:12]. It is not too early to start your beauty treatment.

3. Taking care of your body’s functionality – diet and exercising
You can contribute a great deal to maintaining a healthy body with your diet and exercises.

Are all your meals from packet to mouth? You might want to consider spoiling yourself a little with homemade 3 course meals. Your diet preferences will go with you into your king’s house. If you are not sure what is good for you, you can pick up a food and nutrition book. They really help.

Exercises can be a simple as taking long walks (especially in these days of from door step to vehicle) or as involving as going to the gym. These can really be helpful in building a strong and healthy body. By the way, going to the gym is a good place to meet people.

4. Taking care of what expresses your sensuality – underwear and lingerie
You didn’t think I will go here, did you? Your underwear and lingerie are as important as your external clothes. You need to make good choices of underwear that fit your clothes. You need to stock you underwear bag with various but relevant underwear. And you need lingerie that brings out your sensuality. You will need it on the wedding night and also while married.

Recommended Reading
1. Hadassah: One Night With the King by Tommy Tenney
2. Secrets of an Irresistible Woman: Smart Rules for Capturing His Heart by Michelle McKinney Hammond

My Very Best Wishes...