Something about this King

My Beloved Sister, before we go on, let’s pause and talk about this King you are preparing for.

Every woman has (or had) this dream guy, a perfect guy that would come to her rescue someday. Please do not feel concerned that you want that man of your dreams. Maybe one or more heartbreaks have eroded you of any further thoughts about this dream guy. Maybe the man in your life is the opposite of all you’ve ever dreamed of. Maybe you came close to this dream guy and he slipped away. Or maybe, he is just the one in your life right now. He can exist under the right conditions (a discussion for much later).

Your King is not a perfect man. He is human like you, with weaknesses, flaws and shortcomings. He is not like anyone else so please do not compare him with anyone. He is unique and great since he is created by God. Please review your checklist of your ideal man and be sure you are not expecting perfection from him.

You will need to learn to look beyond physical and material things to see your king from the view of God. Only then can your king be perfect. Then you will be able to accept him and love him for who he is.

One example I would like to share with you: - There is this lady who comes from a strong Christian home but had a proposal from a young man who came from a Muslim family. Everyone advised her not to respond positively to that proposal. But she saw that man through the eyes of God. She saw a man passionate about God irrespective of his background. She saw a man who had integrity and was responsible. Today she is happily married to him, who is a role model for fathers and husbands.

Now you are clear that your king is not perfect and not exactly your fantasy (might be better, might be worse from your human perception), let’s move on to Lessons from Esther in preparation for your king.

Recommended Reading
1. Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul by John and Stasi Eldredge
2. What Every Woman wants in a Man by Diana Hagee

In preparation for the forthcoming topic:
The Bible: Esther 1-10

My Very Best Wishes…

What Marriage Does Not Do For You (III)

My Beloved Sister,

There are so many things we could talk about under the topic "What marriage does not do for you". Just to spice things up a little, I will begin another series then come back to this topic.

But not without telling you that Marriage does not eliminate temptations, especially sexual temptations.

My Beloved sister, if you thought that once you get married, all your sexual temptations would be eliminated, then it’s time to change your thinking. The person you were before you got married is the person you remain while married. You are only merging yourself with someone else. You are still made of the same weaknesses and the same strengths.

If as a single lady every TDH (Tall Dark and Handsome) made your heart skip a beat, chances are while married, TDH will still make your heart skip a beat. If while single you found it difficult remaining faithful to the person you were dating, those things that distracted you will still distract you in marriage. If you were bisexual, waking up married in a man’s arms will not prevent the thoughts of women from creeping up. And if all you did was focus on married men, marriage is not going to stop that. The only things marriage can do is to constrain you, only for a while or leave you struggling with temptation all through the marriage.

Sexual purity is a treasure in marriage. Think of a wedding night where the previous night you slept with him (in this case, he is no longer a king). Compare it to a wedding night where you’ve waited years for his touch. The excitement and ecstasy from the latter is indescribable. When you were warned not to “do anything with any boy”, it was not because someone wanted to deprive you of pleasure. It was actually to preserve you for bliss. Don’t feel condemned if your hymen has been broken. You can still attain sexual purity from a spiritual point of view. You can do it.

I want you to enjoy your marriage to your king and be able to overcome any sexual temptations that could come your way. You don’t want a phone call from an ex-boyfriend to spoil dinner with your king. So before you go in, it is best to solve any sexual temptations from the root.

Where does sin start from? From the mind. Before it is actually committed, it must have been conceived. To solve the problem, the mind has to be renewed. The only thing that has power to renew your mind is the Word of God. This renewal of the mind is not done overnight. It is a continuous process. It is not about how strong-willed you are. You need help. Find someone who you can be accountable to. Do not be ashamed to discuss it with someone who can help, like a counselor or a pastor. The time to start praying for sexual purity is now and it does not end today.

If you are already married, it is not too late to ask God for forgiveness and ask Him to teach you how to remain faithful to your husband (emotional, mental and physical faithfulness).

Recommended Reading
1. The Bible
2. Inviting God to your wedding and Keeping God in your marriage by Martha Williamson. Section on “Dousing old flames and severing soul ties”.
3. Woman Thou Art Loosed by Bishop T.D. Jakes.

My Very Best Wishes...

What Marriage Does Not Do For You (II)

My Beloved sister, today we will continue looking at things that marriage does not do for you. Today's message is on Marriage Does Not Cure Loneliness.

One great benefit of marriage is companionship. God, who authored marriage, said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him” [Gen 2:18 NLT]. Adam was very excited about this decision of God (I’m sure the creation of Eve really made sense to him). The companionship that comes out of marriage is so beautiful because there is no limit to the things you can do with your spouse.

But my beloved sister, marriage does not guarantee that you will not feel lonely sometimes. It will be an unrealistic expectation that your husband chases away your loneliness. There are times he will not be physically with you. There are times when he would like to be on his own. What will you do during those times? Sit down feeling lonely until he is back with you?

There is a loneliness you will feel which no one or nothing can cure. You can be in a crowd and still feel lonely. You can give in to an addiction, but when you come out of its euphoria, you will still feel lonely. You can get yourself occupied with everything but you will still feel lonely. Why? Because there is a void in each and everyone of us which only God can fill. Until you fill that void with God, the loneliness will keep surfacing whether you are single or married. The best time to fill this void is now.

As you prepare for your king, you need to have a life. He will not be excited knowing you were locked up in your room all day wallowing in loneliness. He will be excited to know you have friends and family, or you visit people, or you are developing yourself spiritually, mentally or physically. Your king will know that the same things you do as a single person is what you will do as a married person.

And please give your man time to develop himself spiritually, emotionally, mentally, etc. He will need this development to head the family.

Recommended Reading
1. Woman Thou Art Loosed by Bishop T.D. Jakes
2. Lonely People: Biblical Lessons on Understanding and Overcoming Loneliness by Warren W. Wiersbe

My Very Best Wishes...

What Marriage Does Not Do For You (I)

My Beloved Sister,

In the weeks that follow, we will be looking at a couple of things marriage won’t do for you… so you don’t get the wrong impression and expectations.

Today’s message is on Marriage Does Not Give You Purpose.

A lot of young women believe that once they get married, they have fulfilled their purpose on earth. In my opinion, that is myopic. Every person has a purpose and it is important you know yours before venturing into marriage. Don’t get me wrong, people have found their purpose while married. But it is better you know before going into marriage.

Why?

Your purpose should guide your choice of a life partner. Your life partner is someone who will help you fulfill your purpose on earth. Let’s take for instance, you are called to be a minister in a church. You would not want a life partner who is not a Christian or someone who would never support this dream. One example that comes to mind is from a movie (Brown Sugar) about this lady who was crazy about rap music yet the man she was dating did not care about her passion. She felt unfulfilled. That is what could happen to you if that one you truly care about is not concerned about what really matters to you.

If you already know your purpose, let this be a guide as you select that special man you will spend the rest of your life with.

If you do not know your purpose, I recommend some things: -
1. Ask your Heavenly Father. He is ready to show you and teach you all things.
2. Read good books that will guide you to finding your purpose
3. Listen to motivational messages on Purpose

Recommended reading
1. Cure for the Common Life: Living in Your Sweet Spot by Max Lucado.
2. The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For? By Rick Warren.
3. How to Discover Your Purpose in 10 Days: God's Path to a Full and Satisfied Life by J. Victor Eagan and Catherine B. Eagan.

My Very Best Wishes...

Note: One of your purposes is to help your husband achieve his purpose. Please add this to your list...

Intro

My Beloved Sister,

I recall a statement you made when I announced that I had accepted a marriage proposal. You said "I have never seen anyone so filled with joy and looking fulfilled!" I pondered on these words. No, it was not the marriage proposal that gave me joy. It was that joy inexplicable; the peace that passes all understanding that comes from God alone. Then the proposal followed. I write to you today that you may have that joy too.

I am writing to you as you prepare for that great man God set aside for you. I want to share with you some treasures I gained during the time I was away that prepared me for marriage to my husband (My King). You need these treasures.

You may say, "I am single and there is no man 3600km radius from me". I want you to know he is just a step of faith away. This piece I am writing to you will help you locate him. You might say, "I have been heartbroken yet again and the last thing I want in my life is a man." As long as God has not called you to singleness, He does not want you to spend the rest of your life alone. He wants you to spend it in joy, happiness, with a man He has specially groomed for you. This is one time you need to look back, reflect on the heart-break(s), thank God for what lessons you have learnt, and look forward to a lasting, enjoyable relationship. He wants you prepared for better things to come. You might say, "I am old, past the age of marriage, why should I be thinking about marriage? It could be better to cohabit with a man, maybe have a kid for him if possible. Why should marriage be an option?" There is no fixed age for marriage. Better older and prepared than young and totally unprepared. You might say, "I've been married before and now divorced. Marriage is the last thing on my mind." Marriage is honourable in all. You may say, "I am already in a beautiful relationship. Why do I need this?" My dear, there is no end to working at a relationship. One little tip can make a great difference in your relationship.

Beloved, as the Holy Spirit gives me inspiration and as I draw from the lessons I have learnt, I assure you that these secrets you will learn will be invaluable gems for the rest of your life.

Let me share a piece of my heart with you...